Euqinom's Insanity

Men

2010-07-23T22:20:00.001+12:00

Tagger

2010-07-23T22:18:00.000+12:00

Love Hurts

2010-07-23T22:16:00.000+12:00

Creepy Pube Robot

2010-07-23T22:13:00.001+12:00

Venn Diagram

2010-07-23T22:11:00.001+12:00

What A Man!

2010-07-23T22:08:00.002+12:00

The official office language...

2010-05-03T18:37:00.004+12:00

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOF'S: Well-off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a Cube Farm.

We hate Edward Cullen!!

2010-05-02T19:53:00.005+12:00

2010-05-02T19:45:00.002+12:00

A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.

To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my growler?" "Yes, I'm sorry, " says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.

Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.

"I can also make it wink, " says the woman.

The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.

The Scotsman moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, The Scotsman replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

Yes it is confirmed.... Girls are evil

2010-05-02T19:38:00.002+12:00

these were the comments:

Barbara Belle says:

July 19, 2007 at 12:11 am

Too complex for the average layman. I’, not mathematician so I didn’t get this one.
ILUVYOU says:

August 6, 2007 at 11:39 pm

HERE IS PROOF GUYS ARE EVIL

10+1=9+100=109=
Gqev-7777-000000=====7777-7777
=0
and for all the boyz who cant
understand notice all boyz
have no smartness in there life which is the 0
and in some country 0 is evil numbet
nokonwaba says:

August 18, 2007 at 2:01 pm

Good calculations but wrong statement… not funny though
inaccurate says:

August 18, 2007 at 5:02 pm

Actually, this is wrong. If you square the evil you have to square the girl. So, it would be girl^2, which means that two girls are evil, so don’t two time and we’ll be fine .
Travis says:

August 30, 2007 at 7:06 pm

10+1=9 not 10 your in idiot Ilovyou
not inaccurate actually says:

September 5, 2007 at 6:20 pm

Actually, money is squared so if money = the root of all evil than money^2 would = the root of evil^2 which is just evil
Mandie says:

September 12, 2007 at 9:25 pm

Omg wow as a blonde it seems weird as a person it seems weird um… i did kinda get it but i thought it would tell us something we didn’t know… i was surprised it didn’t
Mandie says:

September 12, 2007 at 9:28 pm

o… 10 + 1 equals 11 ………
see blondes are smarter than the
average human Ha…. that then would be 111 not 109 ILOVEYOU is slow
gives a bad name for girls
Nick S. says:

September 14, 2007 at 9:19 am

I’m just algebra 1-2 not too bad for a tenth grader I guess ] I have no idea what’s going on :]
bama_girl says:

September 26, 2007 at 8:57 pm

ME NIETHER NICK S.
michelle says:

September 28, 2007 at 10:09 am

i’m blonde so i only partially got it! my brain looks like this right now! {??????????????}
JamessheA says:

October 1, 2007 at 3:16 pm

mathematically it is correct, i saw this exact page in my calculus class earlier today, and the entire lesson was on it (it is my favorite *math joke*)
eAtmAhChErrY says:

October 7, 2007 at 8:53 pm

nOt oF aLl ThEm Are EvIl!!! bUt SOME!!!!!
(i lIke gIrls But tHey dOn’t Like mE, tHough i tReaT tHem tHe bEst tHat i Can!!)
dave says:

October 23, 2007 at 11:12 am

the calculation is correct… the fact you think it is wrong is because you are american.

Dave Ireland
america says:

November 1, 2007 at 10:09 am

hey f*ck you dave,
don’t be jealous of the fact that
we can take over Ireland any time we want
American Guy says:

November 7, 2007 at 9:24 pm

‘america’ that was uncalled for… but very funny none the less
Huh says:

November 13, 2007 at 10:39 pm

What’s Ireland?
Anyways, the whole thing only takes an elementary level of maths to understand, and peops who say “If you square the evil you have to square the girl” are in 5th grade.
yankchicksrskankchicks says:

February 23, 2009 at 1:55 am

typical warmonger americans. no wonder ur laughin stock of planet. world series baseball? who else in the world cares lol don’t get me started on your girly football players, helmets, what a bunch of girls
??? says:

October 14, 2009 at 11:50 pm

You’re all missing the point here. The most common error people make is to say “money is the root of all evil” when in fact the true saying is “LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil.” Look it up if you want. You can’t possibly pin this on women alone or men for that matter. It just depends on personality.

And Mandy: why do you keep on making a point of saying you’re blond and not a person. You said “as a blonde it seems weird as a person it seems weird” and “blondes are smarter than the average human.” No offense, but surely blonds are people too, no?
Smarter Than The Average Bear says:

January 19, 2010 at 6:49 pm

“What a bunch of girls.”

Weren’ they just talking about sexism? And atleast we can use all four limbs.

carzy facts

2009-12-30T19:17:00.016+13:00

In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.

In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
Every person has a unique tongue print.

Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.

About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

An average person laughs about 15 times a day.

Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.

A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at up to 600 m.p.h.

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.

In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.

Bubble gum contains rubber.

You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.

Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

The world population of chickens is about equal to people.
Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.

In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
About 70 percent of Americans who go to college do it to make more money.
It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. Some toothpaste brands contain antifreeze. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991.

Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific.

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Mosquitoes have teeth.

Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.

When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.

27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell."

Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.

Dumb Laws In Ohio

2009-12-30T18:36:00.002+13:00

In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.

Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.

It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass
another car.

Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.

Breast feeding is not allowed in public.

It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.

It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.

No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.

City Laws in Ohio

Akron:

It is illegal to display colored chickens for sale.

No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.

Skateboarding in the city limits after dark is prohibited.

Posting signs at swimming pools is illegal.

Bay Village:

It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.

Bexley

Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.

Canton:

Electric fences are banned.

If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour.

Power Wheels� cars may not be driven down the street.

Foreign Legion

2009-09-20T09:27:00.005+12:00

top 10 reasons for being french

1. when speaking fast you make yourself sound gay.
2. you own half the worlds perfume industry and you still dont use deodorant.
3. you get to eat insect food like snails.
4. if theres a war you can surrender really early.
5. you dont have to read the subtitles on the late night films on channel 4.
6. you can test your nuclear weapons in other peoples countries.
7. you can allow germans to march up and down your most famous street and humiliate your scense of national pride.
8. you can be ugly and still become famous.
9. you dont have to bother with toilets just shit in the street.
10. people think your a great lover when your really not.

top 10 reasons for being american

1. you can have a woman president - without electing her.
2. you can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. you can call budweiser beer.
4. you can be a crook and still be president.
5. if youve got enough money you can be elected to do enything.
6. if you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. you can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. you can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever invented and nobody seems to care.
9. you can call evreyone youve ever met buddy.
10. you can think youre the greatest nation on earth when you're not.

top 10 reasons for being english.

1. two world wars and one world cup, doo dah, doo dah.
2. warm beer.
3. you get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. you get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. union jack underpants.
6. water shortages are garunteed every summer.
7. you can live in the past and imagine your still a world power.
8. you can bathe once a week weather you want to or not.
9. ditto- changing underwear.
10. it beats being welsh or scottish.

top 1o reasons for being italian

1. in- depth knowledge of bizzare pasta shapes.
2. you are unebarrassed to wear fur.
3. no need to worry about tax returns.
4. glorious military history up until about 400 ad that is.
5. you can wear sunglasses inside.
6. political stability.
7. flexible working hours.
8. you live near the pope.
9. you can spend hours braiding your girlfriends armpit hair.
10. sicilian murderers run your country.

top 10 resaons for being spanish.

1. you have a glorious history of killing south american tribes.
2. the rest of europe begins at the pyrenees.
3. you get your beaches invaded by germans, danes and brits.
4. the rest of your country is already invaded by moroccans.
5. everybody else makes crap paella and claims its the real thing.
6. honesty.
7. the only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in tight clothes and be chased by bulls.
8. you get to eat bulls testicles.
9. gibraltar.
10. you supported argentina in the falklands war.

top 10 reasons for being indan

1. chicken madras.
2. lamb passanda.
3. onion bhaji.
4. bombay potato.
5. chicken tikka masala.
6. rogan josh.
7. popadoms.
8. chicken dopiaza.
9. meat bhuna.
10. kingfisher lager.

top 10 reasons for being welsh

1. you got to be joking havent you.

top 10 reasons for being irish.

1. guinness.
2. you have 18 children because you cant use contraceptives.
3. you can get into a fight just by marching down someones road.
4. your pubs never close.
5. you can use papal edicts on contraception passed in the second vatican council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you cant have sex with a condom on.
6. no one can ever remember the night before.
7. you kill people you dont agree with.
8. stew.
9. more guinness.
10. eating stew and drinking guinness in an irish pub at three in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

top 10 reasons for being australian.

1. you know your great- grandad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted. you get to live in what was brittans largest prison.
2. fosters lager.
3. you dispossess aborigines who haved lived in your country for 40, 000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. you get to annihilate england everytime you play them at cricket.
5. your tact and sensitivity.
6. bondi beach.
7. other beaches.
8. your liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. you get to have cold lager on the beach.
10. you get to have a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

top 10 reasons for being a kiwi

1. you get to shag chicks that resemble jonah lomu in a frock.
2. beer.
3. rugby.
4. see above.
5. see above.
6. see above.
7. see above.
8. see above.
9. see above.
10. you get to hate everybody else. . . unless its their round.

The boys a genius

2009-09-01T21:07:00.002+12:00

the following is an actual question given in a university of washington chemistry mid-term exam. the answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying it aswell.

Bonus question: is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools off when it expands or heats up when its compressed) or some variant.

one student however wrote the following:

first, we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time so we need to know the rate that souls are moving into hell and the and the rate they are leaving. i think we can assume that once a soul gets into hell it will not leave. therefore, no souls are leaving as for how many souls are entering hell, lets look at the diffrent religons that exist in the world today. some of these religons state that if you are not part of their religon you will go to hell. since there are more than one of these religons ans since people do not belong to more than one religon, we can project that all souls will go to hell. with birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in hell to grow exponentially. now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyles Law states that, in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added. this gives two possibilites

1: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then temperature and pressure will increase until hell brakes loose.

2: of course if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.

so which is it? if we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Teresa Banyan during my freshman year... "that it will be cold day in hell brfore i sleep with you" and take into account that i have still not have succeded in having sexual relations with her then number 2 cannot be true, and thus i am sure hell is exothermic and will not freeze

the student recieved the only 'A' given.

happy tree friends

2009-07-18T11:51:00.000+12:00

alcoholic frog series

2009-07-18T11:42:00.002+12:00

the longest word in the world

2009-07-09T19:43:00.002+12:00

Methionylglutaminylarginyltyros-ylglutamylserylleucylphen-ylalanylalanylglutaminylleucyllysylgl-utamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalan-ylphenylalanylvalylprolyphenylalanY-lvalythreonylleucylglycylaspartylp-rolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglutam-inylsErylleucyllysylisoleucylasp-artylthreonylleucylIsoleucylglutam-ylalanylglycylalanylasparthlalanylleucy-lglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylp-henylalanylseRylaspartylprolylleucylal-anylaspartylglycylpRolylthreOnylisoleuc-ylglutaminylasPfraginylalanylthreonyll-eucylarfinylalanylphenylalanylalanylal-anylglycylvalythreonylprolylalanylglut-aminylcysteinylphenylalanylglutamylm-ethionylleucylalanylleuOylisoleucylargi-nylglutaminyllysyhistidylprolylthreonylis-oleucylprolylisoleucylglycylleucylmethion-yltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylphen-ylalanylasparaginyllysyglycylisoleucylas-partylglutamylphenylalanylthrosylalanyl-glutaminylcsteinylglutamyllysylvalylgly-cylvalylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalnyl-aspartylvalylprolylvalylglUtaminylglutam-ylserylalanylprolylphenylalanylarginylgl-utaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylas-paraginyvalylalanylprolylisoleucylprolyliso-leucylphenylalanylisoleucylphenylalanylisol-eucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylasp-artylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylgluta-minylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycylarginy-lglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrOsylleucylleucylsery-larginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanyl-glutamYlasparainylarginylalanylalanylleucyl-prolylleucylasparaginylhistidylleucylValylala-nyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginy-lalanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglg-ycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylserylalanylp-rolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalany-lisoleucylaspartylalanylglycylalanylalanylgly-cylalanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisole-ucylvalyllysylisoIeucylisoleucylglutamylgluta-minylHistidylasparaginyliSoleucylglutamylpro-lylglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylle-ucyllysylvalylphenylalanylcalylglutaminylproly-lmethionlysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, 18th edition, this 1,909-letter-long word is regarded as the world’s longest word in the English language. This word has also included in the American Chemical Society’s Chemical Abstracts. It is the longest real word of a Tryptophan Synthetase (its scientific name is Methionylglutaminy…serine) A protein, an enzyme that has 267 amino acids which describes a protein in the amino acid of a strand of DNA. The shortened version of this protein is known as titin, or sometimes conectin, which is involved in striated muscle formation. Its empirical formula is C132983H211861N36149O40883S693.

jack and jill

2009-06-21T13:45:00.002+12:00

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
pill,To have little fun.

Jill, that dill
Forgot her
And now they have a son.

absolutely nothing

2009-06-21T13:44:00.001+12:00

wolves

2009-06-21T13:39:00.001+12:00

on drugs

2009-06-21T12:00:00.000+12:00

how to be a gangsta (this dosent always work)

2009-06-21T11:44:00.001+12:00

Why men are happier people

2009-05-29T22:15:00.001+12:00

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

OUCH!!

2009-05-28T20:01:00.002+12:00

cat mannnnnnn

groos much!!

2009-05-28T19:58:00.002+12:00

FRESH FISH KISS

Reduce weight

2009-05-28T19:40:00.002+12:00

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.

So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg.

They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door.

In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager. Again he is led to the large gym.

This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.

"If I catch you, you're mine."

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED!!!

2009-05-28T19:24:00.002+12:00

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

---------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

---------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

---------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

---------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

---------------------

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

---------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

---------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

---------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started..

yellin at the cat!!!

2009-05-25T18:15:00.001+12:00

tricky!! this was a email i got

2009-05-23T19:02:00.001+12:00

B elow are four ( 4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately .. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for th! e first question, OK ?

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
V ery tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now ! add another 1000 . Now add 30 ..
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
.......Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary 's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wa! nts to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very s! imple.... Like you!

PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Dalia

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Do not lick an envelope

2009-05-23T00:00:00.002+12:00

a lady licked an envelope one day and that very day she found a cut on her tounge a week later she noticed an abnormal sewlling on her tounge, she went to the doctor and they found nothing wrong. It didnt hurt or anything but a week later her tounge was sewlling up still and it really hurt to the point she could not eat.
she went to the doctors and they did an x-ray on her tounge, and they noticed a lump and they prepared her for minor surgery.
when they cut her tounge open a live cockroach crawled out!

ivy

2009-05-22T23:56:00.002+12:00

this is the most strangest ivy ive EVER seen

funny signs

2009-05-22T23:44:00.007+12:00

wolf fact

2009-05-16T19:43:00.003+12:00

Wolves walk, trot, lope, or gallop. Their legs are long, and they walk at about 4 miles (6.4 kilometers) per hour, but can reach speeds of 35 mph during a chase. Their usual mode of travel is to trot, which they do at various speeds, generally between 8 to 10 miles (12.8 to 16 kilometers) per hour.

do you see crazy frog

2009-05-02T13:02:00.000+12:00

wings!!!!!!

2009-05-02T12:59:00.003+12:00

4 my friend deanne

2009-04-25T18:39:00.002+12:00

2009-04-23T18:56:00.003+12:00

very smart lighters

2009-04-23T18:50:00.002+12:00

drag racing tractors

2009-04-23T18:46:00.001+12:00

weird animal things

2009-04-18T14:37:00.003+12:00

facts about women

2009-04-18T14:33:00.002+12:00

The reported percent of women who wash their hands after leaving a restroom is 80%.

Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

for easter

2009-04-11T10:33:00.003+12:00

jesus said to his 12 appostles as he was being hung to the cross
"dont touch my fuckin easter eggs i'll be back on sunday"

illusion

2009-04-10T19:56:00.002+12:00

can you find 10 tigers within this picture

for my dear friend franziska

2009-04-10T19:52:00.004+12:00

lunar eclipse

2009-04-10T19:46:00.003+12:00

the longset solar eclipse in the 21st century will be on the 22nd of July 2009

facts

2009-04-10T01:52:00.002+12:00

a dolphin is the only other mammal apart from a human that will kill for fun

bat werewolfs

2009-04-10T01:49:00.002+12:00

this is for my friend ishai

2009-04-10T01:41:00.003+12:00

there is 48 dormant volcanoes in auckland and over 100 in NZ alone.

alaska

2009-04-08T18:16:00.002+12:00

be careful in alaska if this happens to you we aint diggin ya out

tortise

2009-04-08T18:06:00.005+12:00

can you even belive its a tortise

yankee doodle

2009-04-08T18:03:00.003+12:00

yankee doodle went to town apon a little jet ski, hit a stick and split his dick and now he's got a fanny.

names

2009-04-08T18:01:00.002+12:00

did you know that you share your birthday with more than 100 people

werewolves

2009-04-08T17:57:00.002+12:00

evil bloody werewolf, nice tounge

stupid drivers

2009-04-08T17:52:00.002+12:00

how could they have seriously passed the drivers licence test?

werewolves

2009-04-02T18:14:00.002+13:00

the witch

2009-04-02T18:09:00.003+13:00

on friday the 13th of november a witch came down my chimney and started running at me with a clarinet and so i started running then the witch ran into the kitchen and broke the water pump then she started chanting and at that very moment she broke into a rap and started brake dancing then she burst into shreds of paper.

son we need to talk

2009-04-02T18:05:00.003+13:00

youve had too many bananas mr

werewolves

2009-04-01T20:04:00.003+13:00

shark on whale2

2009-04-01T19:52:00.002+13:00

blank

2009-04-01T19:42:00.003+13:00

its blank seee.......

funny olympics

2009-04-01T19:26:00.001+13:00

can you shake your eyes

2009-04-01T19:21:00.003+13:00

can you shake your eyes i can .
the proper name for it is nystagmus if you can do it, it means that your eye mucles are loose and you have more control over them than an average person otherwise known as freaky eyeball control.

gummy bear (french)

2009-03-31T18:15:00.001+13:00

its really random

badger badger mushroom

2009-03-31T18:12:00.001+13:00

magical trevor

2009-03-31T18:11:00.001+13:00

charlie the magical unicorn

2009-03-31T18:04:00.001+13:00

Fred Loses His Meds

2009-03-31T18:01:00.000+13:00

mary had a little lamb

2009-03-31T17:52:00.002+13:00

mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon 10,000 volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon

straight line

2009-03-31T17:47:00.003+13:00

lie a line of masking tape on the floor, spin around and see if you can walk in a straight line

werewolf drawing

2009-03-31T17:39:00.005+13:00

in swedish

2009-03-30T18:53:00.003+13:00

in sweedish pigs dont go oink oink they go nurf nurf.

spinning

2009-03-30T18:44:00.002+13:00

have you tried spinning around with a broom over your head then throwing it and then running and jumping over it, its really fun

mary had a little lamb

2009-03-30T18:40:00.003+13:00

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides, and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt that was split right up the front, and every time Mary walked the boys could see her...

fact #2

2009-03-30T17:59:00.005+13:00

In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

werewolf on a plie of DIRT

2009-03-30T17:55:00.003+13:00

(turtle) raphaels complaint

2009-03-30T15:25:00.002+13:00

29th march 2009

dear:owners

i am laying an offical complaint for 3 reasons

reason 1: you never pay me enough attention you always go ohh shredder your soo cute or ohh donna are you okay lets feed you, you act like you hate me you always tell me ohh raph you dirty little rapist just because i got confused and tried it on with shredder one day i mean i forgot shredder was a boy like me.

reason 2: i hate it when you give me goldfish i mean talk about fast food there soo fast i cant even catch them. why cant you just feed me blood worms and grubs for christmas.

reason 3: and you broke my heart, i mean first i fell in love with gary the cat but he moved away then i fell in love with a pink piece of paper but then you being the B**!h's you are you threw it in the bin, then there was my filter i loved it so much you got me a new one, and last but most definatly not least you moved my girlfriend donna away to the other side of the room and now she just dosent seem into me anymore. SO THERE 3 REASONS TO LAY AN OFFICAL COMPLAINT!

i look forward to response to these issues, with the goal of resolving them

yours sincerly

raphael, your supposed to be pet and companion :(

simple simon

2009-03-29T20:06:00.004+13:00

simple simon met a pieman going to the fair said simple simon hey i love your hair
now simple simon and the pieman share a flat together because there both drama queens and simons into leather

brain teaser

2009-03-29T19:47:00.003+13:00

answer these in your head as quickly as possible
1x1
2x2
3x3
4x4
5x5
6x6
now out loud say a name of a vegetable.

you said carrot didnt you?

97% of people will say carrot

FACT

2009-03-29T19:39:00.003+13:00

every day i will post a fact

fact 1:
did you know that every month that starts with a sunday has a friday the 13th

I LOVE WOLVES

2009-03-29T19:35:00.001+13:00

I SERIOUSLY LOVE WEREWOLVES