This Blog Has Moved!!!
14 years ago
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
The official office language...
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOF'S: Well-off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a Cube Farm.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my growler?" "Yes, I'm sorry, " says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
"I can also make it wink, " says the woman.
The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.
The Scotsman moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, The Scotsman replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
carzy facts
In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
Every person has a unique tongue print.Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at up to 600 m.p.h.
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
Bubble gum contains rubber.
You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
The world population of chickens is about equal to people.
Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
About 70 percent of Americans who go to college do it to make more money.It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. Some toothpaste brands contain antifreeze. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991.Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific.
There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.Mosquitoes have teeth.
Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
Dumb Laws In Ohio
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass
another car.
another car.
Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.
No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
City Laws in Ohio
Akron:
It is illegal to display colored chickens for sale.
No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.
Skateboarding in the city limits after dark is prohibited.
Posting signs at swimming pools is illegal.
Bay Village:
It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.
Bexley
Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
Canton:
Electric fences are banned.
If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour.
Power Wheels� cars may not be driven down the street.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Foreign Legion
top 10 reasons for being french
1. when speaking fast you make yourself sound gay.
2. you own half the worlds perfume industry and you still dont use deodorant.
3. you get to eat insect food like snails.
4. if theres a war you can surrender really early.
5. you dont have to read the subtitles on the late night films on channel 4.
6. you can test your nuclear weapons in other peoples countries.
7. you can allow germans to march up and down your most famous street and humiliate your scense of national pride.
8. you can be ugly and still become famous.
9. you dont have to bother with toilets just shit in the street.
10. people think your a great lover when your really not.
top 10 reasons for being american
1. you can have a woman president - without electing her.
2. you can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. you can call budweiser beer.
4. you can be a crook and still be president.
5. if youve got enough money you can be elected to do enything.
6. if you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. you can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. you can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever invented and nobody seems to care.
9. you can call evreyone youve ever met buddy.
10. you can think youre the greatest nation on earth when you're not.
top 10 reasons for being english.
1. two world wars and one world cup, doo dah, doo dah.
2. warm beer.
3. you get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. you get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. union jack underpants.
6. water shortages are garunteed every summer.
7. you can live in the past and imagine your still a world power.
8. you can bathe once a week weather you want to or not.
9. ditto- changing underwear.
10. it beats being welsh or scottish.
top 1o reasons for being italian
1. in- depth knowledge of bizzare pasta shapes.
2. you are unebarrassed to wear fur.
3. no need to worry about tax returns.
4. glorious military history up until about 400 ad that is.
5. you can wear sunglasses inside.
6. political stability.
7. flexible working hours.
8. you live near the pope.
9. you can spend hours braiding your girlfriends armpit hair.
10. sicilian murderers run your country.
top 10 resaons for being spanish.
1. you have a glorious history of killing south american tribes.
2. the rest of europe begins at the pyrenees.
3. you get your beaches invaded by germans, danes and brits.
4. the rest of your country is already invaded by moroccans.
5. everybody else makes crap paella and claims its the real thing.
6. honesty.
7. the only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in tight clothes and be chased by bulls.
8. you get to eat bulls testicles.
9. gibraltar.
10. you supported argentina in the falklands war.
top 10 reasons for being indan
1. chicken madras.
2. lamb passanda.
3. onion bhaji.
4. bombay potato.
5. chicken tikka masala.
6. rogan josh.
7. popadoms.
8. chicken dopiaza.
9. meat bhuna.
10. kingfisher lager.
top 10 reasons for being welsh
1. you got to be joking havent you.
top 10 reasons for being irish.
1. guinness.
2. you have 18 children because you cant use contraceptives.
3. you can get into a fight just by marching down someones road.
4. your pubs never close.
5. you can use papal edicts on contraception passed in the second vatican council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you cant have sex with a condom on.
6. no one can ever remember the night before.
7. you kill people you dont agree with.
8. stew.
9. more guinness.
10. eating stew and drinking guinness in an irish pub at three in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
top 10 reasons for being australian.
1. you know your great- grandad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted. you get to live in what was brittans largest prison.
2. fosters lager.
3. you dispossess aborigines who haved lived in your country for 40, 000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. you get to annihilate england everytime you play them at cricket.
5. your tact and sensitivity.
6. bondi beach.
7. other beaches.
8. your liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. you get to have cold lager on the beach.
10. you get to have a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
top 10 reasons for being a kiwi
1. you get to shag chicks that resemble jonah lomu in a frock.
2. beer.
3. rugby.
4. see above.
5. see above.
6. see above.
7. see above.
8. see above.
9. see above.
10. you get to hate everybody else. . . unless its their round.
1. when speaking fast you make yourself sound gay.
2. you own half the worlds perfume industry and you still dont use deodorant.
3. you get to eat insect food like snails.
4. if theres a war you can surrender really early.
5. you dont have to read the subtitles on the late night films on channel 4.
6. you can test your nuclear weapons in other peoples countries.
7. you can allow germans to march up and down your most famous street and humiliate your scense of national pride.
8. you can be ugly and still become famous.
9. you dont have to bother with toilets just shit in the street.
10. people think your a great lover when your really not.
top 10 reasons for being american
1. you can have a woman president - without electing her.
2. you can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. you can call budweiser beer.
4. you can be a crook and still be president.
5. if youve got enough money you can be elected to do enything.
6. if you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. you can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. you can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever invented and nobody seems to care.
9. you can call evreyone youve ever met buddy.
10. you can think youre the greatest nation on earth when you're not.
top 10 reasons for being english.
1. two world wars and one world cup, doo dah, doo dah.
2. warm beer.
3. you get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. you get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. union jack underpants.
6. water shortages are garunteed every summer.
7. you can live in the past and imagine your still a world power.
8. you can bathe once a week weather you want to or not.
9. ditto- changing underwear.
10. it beats being welsh or scottish.
top 1o reasons for being italian
1. in- depth knowledge of bizzare pasta shapes.
2. you are unebarrassed to wear fur.
3. no need to worry about tax returns.
4. glorious military history up until about 400 ad that is.
5. you can wear sunglasses inside.
6. political stability.
7. flexible working hours.
8. you live near the pope.
9. you can spend hours braiding your girlfriends armpit hair.
10. sicilian murderers run your country.
top 10 resaons for being spanish.
1. you have a glorious history of killing south american tribes.
2. the rest of europe begins at the pyrenees.
3. you get your beaches invaded by germans, danes and brits.
4. the rest of your country is already invaded by moroccans.
5. everybody else makes crap paella and claims its the real thing.
6. honesty.
7. the only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in tight clothes and be chased by bulls.
8. you get to eat bulls testicles.
9. gibraltar.
10. you supported argentina in the falklands war.
top 10 reasons for being indan
1. chicken madras.
2. lamb passanda.
3. onion bhaji.
4. bombay potato.
5. chicken tikka masala.
6. rogan josh.
7. popadoms.
8. chicken dopiaza.
9. meat bhuna.
10. kingfisher lager.
top 10 reasons for being welsh
1. you got to be joking havent you.
top 10 reasons for being irish.
1. guinness.
2. you have 18 children because you cant use contraceptives.
3. you can get into a fight just by marching down someones road.
4. your pubs never close.
5. you can use papal edicts on contraception passed in the second vatican council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you cant have sex with a condom on.
6. no one can ever remember the night before.
7. you kill people you dont agree with.
8. stew.
9. more guinness.
10. eating stew and drinking guinness in an irish pub at three in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
top 10 reasons for being australian.
1. you know your great- grandad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted. you get to live in what was brittans largest prison.
2. fosters lager.
3. you dispossess aborigines who haved lived in your country for 40, 000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. you get to annihilate england everytime you play them at cricket.
5. your tact and sensitivity.
6. bondi beach.
7. other beaches.
8. your liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. you get to have cold lager on the beach.
10. you get to have a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
top 10 reasons for being a kiwi
1. you get to shag chicks that resemble jonah lomu in a frock.
2. beer.
3. rugby.
4. see above.
5. see above.
6. see above.
7. see above.
8. see above.
9. see above.
10. you get to hate everybody else. . . unless its their round.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The boys a genius
the following is an actual question given in a university of washington chemistry mid-term exam. the answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying it aswell.
Bonus question: is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools off when it expands or heats up when its compressed) or some variant.
one student however wrote the following:
first, we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time so we need to know the rate that souls are moving into hell and the and the rate they are leaving. i think we can assume that once a soul gets into hell it will not leave. therefore, no souls are leaving as for how many souls are entering hell, lets look at the diffrent religons that exist in the world today. some of these religons state that if you are not part of their religon you will go to hell. since there are more than one of these religons ans since people do not belong to more than one religon, we can project that all souls will go to hell. with birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in hell to grow exponentially. now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyles Law states that, in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added. this gives two possibilites
1: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then temperature and pressure will increase until hell brakes loose.
2: of course if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.
so which is it? if we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Teresa Banyan during my freshman year... "that it will be cold day in hell brfore i sleep with you" and take into account that i have still not have succeded in having sexual relations with her then number 2 cannot be true, and thus i am sure hell is exothermic and will not freeze
the student recieved the only 'A' given.
Bonus question: is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools off when it expands or heats up when its compressed) or some variant.
one student however wrote the following:
first, we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time so we need to know the rate that souls are moving into hell and the and the rate they are leaving. i think we can assume that once a soul gets into hell it will not leave. therefore, no souls are leaving as for how many souls are entering hell, lets look at the diffrent religons that exist in the world today. some of these religons state that if you are not part of their religon you will go to hell. since there are more than one of these religons ans since people do not belong to more than one religon, we can project that all souls will go to hell. with birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in hell to grow exponentially. now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyles Law states that, in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added. this gives two possibilites
1: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then temperature and pressure will increase until hell brakes loose.
2: of course if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.
so which is it? if we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Teresa Banyan during my freshman year... "that it will be cold day in hell brfore i sleep with you" and take into account that i have still not have succeded in having sexual relations with her then number 2 cannot be true, and thus i am sure hell is exothermic and will not freeze
the student recieved the only 'A' given.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
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Too complex for the average layman. I’, not mathematician so I didn’t get this one.
HERE IS PROOF GUYS ARE EVIL
10+1=9+100=109=
Gqev-7777-000000=====7777-7777
=0
and for all the boyz who cant
understand notice all boyz
have no smartness in there life which is the 0
and in some country 0 is evil numbet
Good calculations but wrong statement… not funny though
Actually, this is wrong. If you square the evil you have to square the girl. So, it would be girl^2, which means that two girls are evil, so don’t two time and we’ll be fine
.
10+1=9 not 10 your in idiot Ilovyou
Actually, money is squared so if money = the root of all evil than money^2 would = the root of evil^2 which is just evil
Omg wow as a blonde it seems weird as a person it seems weird um… i did kinda get it but i thought it would tell us something we didn’t know… i was surprised it didn’t
o… 10 + 1 equals 11 ………
see blondes are smarter than the
average human Ha…. that then would be 111 not 109 ILOVEYOU is slow
gives a bad name for girls
I’m just algebra 1-2 not too bad for a tenth grader I guess
] I have no idea what’s going on :]
ME NIETHER NICK S.
i’m blonde so i only partially got it! my brain looks like this right now! {??????????????}
mathematically it is correct, i saw this exact page in my calculus class earlier today, and the entire lesson was on it (it is my favorite *math joke*)
nOt oF aLl ThEm Are EvIl!!! bUt SOME!!!!!
(i lIke gIrls But tHey dOn’t Like mE, tHough i tReaT tHem tHe bEst tHat i Can!!)
the calculation is correct… the fact you think it is wrong is because you are american.
Dave Ireland
hey f*ck you dave,
don’t be jealous of the fact that
we can take over Ireland any time we want
‘america’ that was uncalled for… but very funny none the less
What’s Ireland?
Anyways, the whole thing only takes an elementary level of maths to understand, and peops who say “If you square the evil you have to square the girl” are in 5th grade.
typical warmonger americans. no wonder ur laughin stock of planet. world series baseball? who else in the world cares lol don’t get me started on your girly football players, helmets, what a bunch of girls
You’re all missing the point here. The most common error people make is to say “money is the root of all evil” when in fact the true saying is “LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil.” Look it up if you want. You can’t possibly pin this on women alone or men for that matter. It just depends on personality.
And Mandy: why do you keep on making a point of saying you’re blond and not a person. You said “as a blonde it seems weird as a person it seems weird” and “blondes are smarter than the average human.” No offense, but surely blonds are people too, no?
“What a bunch of girls.”
Weren’ they just talking about sexism? And atleast we can use all four limbs.