Foreign Legion

top 10 reasons for being french

1. when speaking fast you make yourself sound gay.
2. you own half the worlds perfume industry and you still dont use deodorant.
3. you get to eat insect food like snails.
4. if theres a war you can surrender really early.
5. you dont have to read the subtitles on the late night films on channel 4.
6. you can test your nuclear weapons in other peoples countries.
7. you can allow germans to march up and down your most famous street and humiliate your scense of national pride.
8. you can be ugly and still become famous.
9. you dont have to bother with toilets just shit in the street.
10. people think your a great lover when your really not.

top 10 reasons for being american

1. you can have a woman president - without electing her.
2. you can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. you can call budweiser beer.
4. you can be a crook and still be president.
5. if youve got enough money you can be elected to do enything.
6. if you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. you can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. you can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever invented and nobody seems to care.
9. you can call evreyone youve ever met buddy.
10. you can think youre the greatest nation on earth when you're not.

top 10 reasons for being english.

1. two world wars and one world cup, doo dah, doo dah.
2. warm beer.
3. you get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. you get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. union jack underpants.
6. water shortages are garunteed every summer.
7. you can live in the past and imagine your still a world power.
8. you can bathe once a week weather you want to or not.
9. ditto- changing underwear.
10. it beats being welsh or scottish.

top 1o reasons for being italian

1. in- depth knowledge of bizzare pasta shapes.
2. you are unebarrassed to wear fur.
3. no need to worry about tax returns.
4. glorious military history up until about 400 ad that is.
5. you can wear sunglasses inside.
6. political stability.
7. flexible working hours.
8. you live near the pope.
9. you can spend hours braiding your girlfriends armpit hair.
10. sicilian murderers run your country.

top 10 resaons for being spanish.

1. you have a glorious history of killing south american tribes.
2. the rest of europe begins at the pyrenees.
3. you get your beaches invaded by germans, danes and brits.
4. the rest of your country is already invaded by moroccans.
5. everybody else makes crap paella and claims its the real thing.
6. honesty.
7. the only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in tight clothes and be chased by bulls.
8. you get to eat bulls testicles.
9. gibraltar.
10. you supported argentina in the falklands war.

top 10 reasons for being indan

1. chicken madras.
2. lamb passanda.
3. onion bhaji.
4. bombay potato.
5. chicken tikka masala.
6. rogan josh.
7. popadoms.
8. chicken dopiaza.
9. meat bhuna.
10. kingfisher lager.

top 10 reasons for being welsh

1. you got to be joking havent you.

top 10 reasons for being irish.

1. guinness.
2. you have 18 children because you cant use contraceptives.
3. you can get into a fight just by marching down someones road.
4. your pubs never close.
5. you can use papal edicts on contraception passed in the second vatican council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you cant have sex with a condom on.
6. no one can ever remember the night before.
7. you kill people you dont agree with.
8. stew.
9. more guinness.
10. eating stew and drinking guinness in an irish pub at three in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

top 10 reasons for being australian.

1. you know your great- grandad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted. you get to live in what was brittans largest prison.
2. fosters lager.
3. you dispossess aborigines who haved lived in your country for 40, 000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. you get to annihilate england everytime you play them at cricket.
5. your tact and sensitivity.
6. bondi beach.
7. other beaches.
8. your liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. you get to have cold lager on the beach.
10. you get to have a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

top 10 reasons for being a kiwi

1. you get to shag chicks that resemble jonah lomu in a frock.
2. beer.
3. rugby.
4. see above.
5. see above.
6. see above.
7. see above.
8. see above.
9. see above.
10. you get to hate everybody else. . . unless its their round.

The boys a genius

the following is an actual question given in a university of washington chemistry mid-term exam. the answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying it aswell.

Bonus question: is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools off when it expands or heats up when its compressed) or some variant.

one student however wrote the following:

first, we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time so we need to know the rate that souls are moving into hell and the and the rate they are leaving. i think we can assume that once a soul gets into hell it will not leave. therefore, no souls are leaving as for how many souls are entering hell, lets look at the diffrent religons that exist in the world today. some of these religons state that if you are not part of their religon you will go to hell. since there are more than one of these religons ans since people do not belong to more than one religon, we can project that all souls will go to hell. with birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in hell to grow exponentially. now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyles Law states that, in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added. this gives two possibilites

1: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then temperature and pressure will increase until hell brakes loose.

2: of course if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.

so which is it? if we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Teresa Banyan during my freshman year... "that it will be cold day in hell brfore i sleep with you" and take into account that i have still not have succeded in having sexual relations with her then number 2 cannot be true, and thus i am sure hell is exothermic and will not freeze


the student recieved the only 'A' given.